Tonight when we showered, I warned you that you will have to learn how to shower on your own. I said that I wouldn’t be there in the shower with you anymore and as soon as I said that, you immediately frowned—looking absolutely frantic—and hugged me, saying “But I want to be with you!” You hugged me so fiercely that my eyes stung. I thought to myself “God, please let me remember this moment forever, even when I’m old and senile.” You were hesitant to wash your body with your wash towel but eventually you relented and pretty soon you started having fun.
Afterward, when we got out of the shower, as you were putting lotion on, you explained to me out of nowhere that you did not wish to go to elementary school and that you wanted to work instead. May I remind you, you were only four years old at the time of this message so you can imagine how tickled I was to hear this. Then you said that you wanted to come to work with me and we laughed because I told you that I couldn’t bring you to work with me since I’m so busy. And your silly self knew that! Then, I asked you to brush your hair with your red Kiki brush and you replied, “But I can’t, I’m just a little girl.” Five minutes earlier you had used that same excuse for not wiping your butt after you went number two. You actually cried on the toilet! You explained very quietly that you were just a little girl and that you couldn’t wipe your butt. Strange because you had been wiping your own butt for a good few months now without assistance.
Sigh. You’re so clever. In your own way, you were just telling me that you didn’t want to grow up. You wanted to be my little girl forever. It’s funny how we think the same things! I know eventually I will have to let you go…but not yet. Merciful universe, not yet.