On Monday, November 2nd, I had an appointment with my rheumatologist for an ultrasound of my fingers, and a followup regarding bloodwork from last month. Dr. Matsueda informed me that my bloodwork, along with my ultrasound results, completely ruled out Rheumatoid Arthritis. Since my ANA and Smith AB were high, he is suspecting SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus). He can’t confirm this diagnosis until I provide more bloodwork sometime in mid-December. But, considering that my ANA has been high since November 2018, I’m almost certain that I have SLE, or at least some kind of auto-immune disease for sure. My migrating joint, muscle, and nerve pains just don’t align with any form of classical arthritis.

It hasn’t really hit me yet. I feel like I’m in some sort of limbo teetering on the edge of a nightmare. But I’m doing what I can to keep my head above water. The pile of work I have for me at my job following my recent promotion is overwhelming and the constant barrage of house chores and mom responsibilities leave me little room to succumb to defeat.

Throughout all this uncertainty and quiet chaos, I’m only ever aware of one truth. And that is…I will find a way to get through this, just like I always do.