The last few months…well…this year so far, really, if I’m honest, has been extremely miserable for me health-wise. To put things into perspective, I don’t think I’ve ever known such misery in my entire life. I think I lost about 15lbs just by being sick. During this time, I felt like I lost my way. There have been periods in my life where I’ve become lost and my only solution was to start over. So, that’s where I find myself again. I’m starting over.
While I was miserable and sick as a dog, I finally realized the necessity for change. I’ve started to let go of things I don’t need. I’m diverting energy I would’ve otherwise wasted into more productive activities. For example, I’ve decided to let go of Tarot. One, it was a huge waste of time and money, and two, it doesn’t align with my spiritual beliefs and was turning out to be a major distraction. I’m deciding to keep a few decks solely to appreciate the artwork, but I’ll be spending that energy reading books instead—something I haven’t done in a while. I’ve also let go of all social media (including Instagram). As a result, I don’t feel like an anxious, covetous zombie anymore.
I think it’s finally hitting me, too, that since I no longer have the stress of homework hanging over my head everyday, I can finally do the things I’ve neglected over the years. I’m mainly referring to cooking, but also maintaining the house, teaching Miyu how to read and write English, and possibly getting back into studying Japanese.
I’ve stopped pining over my pipe dream of getting into illustration and instead I’m returning to something that has made me so incredibly happy and satisfied for over eighteen years—blogging and photography. I’m not going to pressure myself to get back into art or writing fiction. I’m just going to find happiness and gratitude in the everyday through blogging, however seemingly mundane.
This week, I cooked dinner everyday. That’s unheard of and definitely not something I aspire to do every week, but I have hope that going forward, cooking two to three times per week becomes the norm.
Here’s to new beginnings. 🙂