This year started out on several bad notes. First there was a rather large, intense earthquake that caused much damage during New Year’s (at the site of the quake, not at our locality). Then while all of that was happening, I found myself in a hypomanic state and had a “missed episode” scare.
By February I was in a better space mentally. I remember I had to double up on certain medications because I had a very hard time sleeping and staying asleep, which is a dangerous combination for someone like me.
Anyway, in the Spring time, I became so busy with work. It was just one thing after another. Deadline after deadline. And before I knew it, Summer was on its way out. I just couldn’t find the justification to spend time on journaling when that time could be better spent on house chores or catching up with work.
During that whole time, I felt like I couldn’t properly release my anguish. Couldn’t properly confront my fears. Couldn’t address the myriad of emotions running through my clogged system. Now I understand—with a newfound respect—the therapeutic properties of journaling and cathartic results of expression. That no matter what, it’s not about the endgame, but rather…the journey itself. And honoring the part of me that absolutely needs to express my creativity. To channel it, to express it, to share it, so that it can pass through me instead of hinder my progress and impede my growth.
So, I need to journal more! It is not a silly thing to do during my free time. It is not a waste of my time to spend an hour or two composing a journal entry instead of doing something productive around the house. I need to treat journaling and creative endeavors as if they were my air. I need it to breathe so that I can not only survive, but thrive, and become stronger. I need to work on my self-worth and self-respect. And I think the best way to do that is to visually remind myself of all the good things in life, all of my accomplishments no matter how small, and why it is that I’m here. I have a purpose to fulfill and, God-willing…I aim to see it through.
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